Barnabas the Barmy and the Troll Ballet
by drinehart
Summary: Remember the portrait across from the Room of Requirement, of Barnabas the Barmy teaching the trolls ballet? Ever wonder why? Reviews welcome; flames ignored.


**Barnabas the Barmy and the Troll Ballet**

Barnabas Warbeck whistled happily to himself as he walked up the path from the gates to Hogwarts Castle. Being in a good mood was an uncommon thing in these dark days, but the news that British troops had landed at Gallipoli had lifted everyone's spirits. Everyone was hopeful this end run around the deadly stalemate on the Western Front might break the deadlock, force the Turks out of the war, and give the Allies a chance to knock out Austria-Hungary next.

But war news wasn't the only, or even the main, reason Barnabas was in a good mood. He was coming back to Hogwarts after nearly 12 years to put on a special performance of Swan Lake, to raise money to send food and clothing packages to the wizarding boys Over There. Barnabas had been in the London audience five years before, when Swan Lake made its English premiere, and had been entranced with the work ever since. As owner and director of one of the few wizarding music halls, he'd had to endure snide comments from others about "maybe one day, you can do _legitimate _theater" and he was burning to show he could stage something as complicated as this Russian ballet.

And even more importantly, he'd be working with Celestina Rastrick, the greatest dancer in the wizarding world and the object of his (semi-secret) affection.

Barnabas and Celestina had known each other since her first day at Hogwarts, back in 1901. Freshly minted Hufflepuff prefect Barnabas, while leading the first years to their common room after the Sorting, was struck by the way the cute little blonde girl moved as if she were gliding across a dance floor rather than walking down a hallway. Over subsequent months, Celestina became the darling of Hufflepuff House with her bubbly personality, her charm and her spontaneous dancing in the hallways, on the grounds, and even in the Great Hall. (Headmaster Dippett, however, _did _draw the line at dancing in class.)

By the time Barnabas left Hogwarts in 1903, Celestina was maturing into an attractive young lady, but Barnabas was merely fond of her in an older brother sort of way. He went to work for an uncle who owned a music hall in south London, and thought of her only occasionally, when he saw a particularly good dance act. The music hall did four shows a day, with a special fifth show at midnight that was for wizards only. The four Muggle performances paid the bills, but the wizard shows were much more fun, both to watch and to do.

Barnabas's uncle died in 1911, and left the music hall to Barnabas, who found himself a "showman" at the tender age of 26. Much as he loved the music hall business, he had ambitions to stage more "legitimate" forms of entertainment, particularly after running into the annoying Bilius Hopkirk. Hopkirk, a Gryffyndor two years ahead of Barnabas, was working in the Paris Opera House and was quite condescending about "your little music hall". This irked Barnabas no end, since he poured his heart into making the music hall one of the best in London, and especially since he'd never liked Hopkirk to begin with.

Then, early in 1912, Celestina entered his life again.

Barnabas went to a performance of The Nutcracker with a small group of friends, and was absolutely entranced by the blonde dancer playing Clara. Consulting his program, he was surprised to see it was Celestina; she had certainly grown into a beautiful woman, and he thought her Clara was by far the best he'd ever seen. Every movement graceful and sure, every step exactly what it should be, every arm movement just the perfect arm movement.

Barnabas was in love, fully, completely, and hopelessly.

Fortunately, he knew the stage manager and managed to slip backstage to talk to her. She remembered him, of course, and they had a delightful reunion, spoiled somewhat for Barnabas when she introduced him to her husband, Arthur Grimstone (of the broom-making Grimstones). The three of them headed out for a late supper, and thus began a close friendship.

Barnabas often wondered if either Celestina or Arthur knew or suspected how much he loved her. If so, neither ever mentioned it. Certainly, he never did or said anything inappropriate, being perfectly happy to settle for just being around her. And so it continued for several years, until an idiot nationalist shot an Archduke, and plunged the world into war.

Arthur was one of the first to volunteer when His Majesty called for troops, and was wounded in the first battle for Ypres. After a short time spent home recovering, he was promoted to Major and was part of the planning for the Gallipoli campaign. Barnabas found himself in the uncomfortable position of supporting Celestina and assuring her that her husband would be fine, while a small (suppressed and unworthy) part of him wished he wouldn't be.

But now it was early March, 1915, and Barnabas was doing his part for the boys with this fund-raising performance of Swan Lake. He'd conceived the idea at Christmas, and Celestina has immediately agreed to perform the White Swan role. She'd quickly convinced fellow dancers, stagehands and others to join in the effort for "our boys," and had even charmed Bilius Hopkirk into donating costumes.

Headmaster Dippet had been delighted to offer the Great Hall as the site for the performance, and encouraged all the students to invite friends and families to attend. The performance was set for this Saturday, March 15, 1915, and Barnabas was just arriving for the final dress rehearsal. (Although the performers had come to Hogwarts a week before, Barnabas was forced to stay behind to deal with the damage caused when a Zeppelin raid hit the music hall.) But finally, he was here, the big day was tomorrow, and he'd finally show the world (and that annoying Hopkirk) that he could stage a true theatrical performance.

But as he passed through the entrance, Barnabas immediately knew something was wrong. Headmaster Dippet was there to greet him, looking grave and concerned. The choreographer, Orley Jenkins, was in tears at his side.

"Good evening, Barnabas," Dippet said solemnly.

"Good evening, Headmaster. What's wrong, Orley?" Orley simply burst into another cascade of tears, shook her head and ran off.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news, Barnabas. Perhaps we should go into the Great Hall and sit down." Dippet led the way into the Hall, which was empty save for a few small tables set up in one corner. He led Barnabas to one and indicated he should sit.

"Celestina received an owl from her husband's regiment this morning, Barnabas." A cold hand clutched at Barnabas' stomach; not "from her husband" but "from the regiment." He knew what was coming, and Dippet read it in his face. "Yes, I'm afraid he was killed in action a few days ago." Barnabas swore and slammed a fist on the table.

"Poor Celestina. Where is she, is she OK?"

"I'm afraid that's the worse news, Barnabas. Celestina was in the Owlery when the news came, preparing to send Arthur a letter. When she read that he'd been killed, she threw herself from the tower. There was nothing anyone could do for her."

"No. No! NOOO!" Barnabas buried his face in his hands, sobbing in grief. His beloved Celestina gone? It had to be a mistake, he couldn't accept it.

"They've taken her body back to London. She'll be buried there next week."

Barnabas collapsed and they carried him upstairs to the school's hospital wing.

No one's entirely sure what happened next.

When the school nurse went to check on him the next morning, Barnabas was gone. A thorough search of the school yielded no traces, no one spotted him in Hogsmeade, and the Knight Coach driver said he had picked up no riders answering Barnabas' description. He didn't turn up back in London, nor were there any sightings of him anywhere else. He simply vanished.

The performance went on, of course, with the understudy filling the White Swan role. Despite the tragedy (or perhaps because of it), the donation jars were overflowing with Galleons by the time the performance was over, and hundreds of Tommies were a little more comfortable because of it.

It was Ogg, the gamekeeper, who finally discovered Barnabas, almost a month later. Deep in the Forbidden Forest, a filthy, red-eyed Barnabas had placed a tribe of forest trolls under the Imperius Curse, and was forcing them to do endless repetitions of the final scene, where Seigfried the prince begs forgiveness of the White Swan but she dies in his arms. Unable to get Barnabas to stop, or even to get his attention, Ogg was forced to stun him and carry him back to the castle. Dippet removed the Imperious Curse from the trolls, and removed Barnabas to St. Mungo's.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Barnabas came back to himself over the next several months. A little more than a year afterwards, he married one of the nurses from St. Mungo's, who soon presented him with a daughter they both agreed to name Celestina. Barnabas sold the music hall, and spent the remainder of an abbreviated life with his wife and daughter in a small village in Wales. He lived long enough to see his daughter start a singing career, but not long enough to see her become a star.


End file.
